I SURENDER !!!

I surrender. I’ve nothing else to do. It’s one of those odd days when I’m here, but obvious, I’m not. For some time, I’m thinking with intensiveness and for nothing, about the freedom I need or I don’t need in a relationship. Wait a second, first, what relation?? And further, what freedom? It’s hard to imagine the limits of our relation when we don’t have one, yet.
All I want, for now, it’s to live in a never-ending rainy and lazy Sunday like this one and you to swamp me with your presence.
I say it! I want, feel the need from you to nag me with your cranks (I’m sure you have something like this). And to bore me (I know you can) with your stories about cars. I want, feel the need from you to make plans and not asking me about (what a delight); and after to irritate me with foolish and clumsy questions – where have you been and why, with who and till what hour (I bet we’ll arrive at this). Yes, I know. I’m crazy!!
Why do I want to pass again through all these extreme awkward pleasures of a love relation? Maybe because we are at the beginning, and at the beginning, even if you just raise your eyebrows, you excite me.
Or, maybe, because we meet so rare due to the distance between us. Maybe.
Or, maybe, I just have the impression that you’ll going to help me one day so I can not feel that I belong just to myself.
Anyway, the future sounded all right.
But I wasn’t like this. I’m looking in the mirror and I see a lucky human being. Four years ago I ran, in an appropriate and inappropriate way, from my last long relation.
It has been few happy months, two years of mental torture, plus another half a year of baffles and prosecutions like in Hallmark’s dramas. All it’s left to say about this relation is that I survived with traumatizing consequences.
It took me a long time but in the end I convinced myself that all I need are the simple things like: a ticket to Muse concert, a large pizza, a smile from you, the kiss that you’ll going to give me soon. I want all this and many more and I’ll wait as long as it takes, even if I know that some of these won’t come. For the moment I don’t need any kind of freedom. On the contrary, I’m ready to let you very close to me. In exchange, at the risk of being cold and not concerned, I’ll give you with all my heart a thing that it’s yours from the start, all the freedom that you need.
You can do all that you want, with who you want, when you want. It may be possible to like you so much, that I won’t be able to bond you to be just with me. Even if I’ll really like this. A lot. As you can see, I really hope that you, unlike others, will translate my signs different